Why do girls date bad boys?

I have noticed that girls today are ignoring the “good guys” and pursuing relationships with the so-called “bad boys.” Most of the time, these girls find it very hard to break free from dating such a character.

What is a “bad boy,” exactly? According to a number of people I have spoken to, a bad boy is a man who seems outwardly attractive but is unwilling to offer sacrificial love in a relationship.

They are generally too selfish and immature. And most of the time, they are addicted to drugs or alcohol or abuse legal drugs, and on goes the list.

Why do girls date bad boys?

As we all know, most women like men to ask them out and pursue them, if need be. Bad boys tend to be more aggressive on their approach. They appear more self-confident than regular guys when it comes to initiating a dating relationship.

I have heard young ladies say things like, “Nice guys are too passive or non-adventurous. They don’t know how to initiate relationships.”

The reality is that nice guys tend to be afraid of rejection when asking a woman for a date.

In his book “Wild at Heart,” John Eldridge writes, “When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe that God put them on Earth to be a ‘good boy.’ … That’s what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. The answer is simply this: We have not invited a man to live from his deep heart.”

Generally, most girls date bad boys because they believe they can fix them. They think they can be that one girl who can help them change their lifestyles and habits.

There is a misconception or a distorted view of love that a girl feels due to the fact that bad boys pursue them. In return, they make a heartfelt commitment to a person who usually does not commit to any type of relationship.

I believe that when a girl finds herself in this situation, she becomes willing to allow the “bad boy” to mistreat her and take advantage of her. Consequently, she now finds herself in a never-ending cycle of deception.

The initial feeling of being special, loved and cared for is now lost and replaced with shame and the desire to make the relationship work.

I believe for any woman to be asked out or pursued is exciting, but when a “bad boy” asks a girl out, it magnifies her excitement due to the fact that he is popular, and therefore well known.

Good girls date bad boys, however, when they lower their standards and accept any assertive invitation they receive.

How can a “good girl” avoid dating a bad boy? For the Christian, the key lies in understanding your identity in Jesus Christ.

Don’t define yourself by whether you have a boyfriend, because Jesus is the only person who offers the unconditional acceptance your heart craves. Your true identity is a beautiful, celebrated, daughter of God (Isaiah 62:3-4).

Jesus is the only person who can change people. God bless.

Kalenga is a girls soccer coach and youth pastor. His column runs on Sundays.