It’s just not one of a kind

The Jennifers attack in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the new movie based on Greg Behrendt’s book of the same name from 2004. He got his start on Oprah.
Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Jennifer Aniston all star in this new flick, which topped the box office last weekend with $27.8 million. My friend and I were so there.

And it was just what I expected: pure frivolity, no surprises and plenty of dating clichés. Not the worst thing I’ve ever seen and certainly fitting for a girls’ night out, as long as cocktails are included.

They were.

Drew Barrymore also stars in and produced “He’s Just Not That Into You,” but she doesn’t get very much screen time. Her character’s love life is a bit more stable than the rest of the 30- and 40-somethings in this movie.

I’ve never been so happy to be married. Seriously, it’s hard to find love these days. It’s like technology works against you.

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he e-mailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting,” says an exasperated woman in “He’s Just Not” in between the main action.

I’m exhausted just reading about it. What ever happened to love letters? What ever happened to nice stationery?

The cell phone is like Snow White’s mirror these days: people constantly gazing into to make sure they haven’t missed a call.
Goodwin’s character, Gigi, — and lots of other girls around us in the theater — is a pro at that. She has a crush on a guy named Conor (Kevin Connolly), who she dated once. Now, she just can’t understand why he’s not calling.

Conor’s pretty short while Gigi’s pretty hot so it’s difficult to imagine she’d be sweating him that much. But she does. She’s desperate and it’s pretty sad.

If someone that beautiful can’t find a guy, then where does that leave the rest of us?

Gigi turns to Conor’s friend Alex (Justin Long), also short, for advice and he hands it out readily, Greg Behrendt-style.

He’s not calling? He doesn’t like you. Duh.

Wonder what will happen between Gigi and Alex? It could be a match. Yawn.

Meanwhile, Conor is crushing hard on Scarlett Johansson’s character Anna and she plays along so she won’t be alone. You know that guy who takes you out, does sweet things and pays for everything, but he’s kind of goofy and needy? The one you’d never fall for but it’s nice having him around? That’s Conor.

Then you’ve got Anna chasing Ben (Bradley Cooper), who’s happily married — minus the marital sex — to Jennifer Connelly’s ice princess character Janine. When doesn’t Jennifer Connelly play an ice princess?

My friend/fellow moviegoer was way into Bradley Cooper, something about his eyes.

Me, eh. What a jerk.

But he’s basically the star of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and he plays the part.

If only his wife could get over his closet smoking and wake up to the fact that their love has died.

You know that girl who doesn’t care if your husband is married and is of the opinion that he wouldn’t be cheating if you were taking better care of him? That’s Anna.

But come on, if someone as stunning as Scarlett Johansson has to tap the married pool to find love where does that leave the rest of us? In big trouble.

And then you have Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck as the happily unmarried couple together seven years. Why mess up a good thing — his general argument goes, but man it’s just not that original.

Spoiler! Spoiler! They’ll wind up married in the end.

Affleck and Aniston, big names in romantic comedy, have good chemistry in “He’s Just Not,” but again it’s underwhelming and entirely expected.

Finally, finally, there’s little Miss Barrymore as Mary the single girl who’s content with herself. Now that’s a concept.

Too bad she didn’t have more opportunities to elaborate on how that’s working for her. (She’ll find a boyfriend by the end).

I’m into “He’s Just Not That Into” for the concept, the cameo by Kris Kristofferson and the city in which it’s set: Baltimore.

Beyond that, it’s not love at first sight.