Don’t bust my chops, you’ns — I’m just tryin’ to learn the language

Language can be a funny thing. Most of us have heard Jeff Foxworthy ramble on about “Redneck Words” — you know, things like: Mayonnaise. “Mayonnaise a lotta people here at the cookout!” Or, my favorite: Sensuous. “Sensuous up, can ya get me a beer?”

Not that I’ve traveled a lot, but it’s been my experience in visiting different parts of the U.S. (mostly East Coast), language and vernaculars are so varied. We were in Pittsburgh last weekend at a Shriners event, and on the restaurant menus, soda is called “pop.” And in most of Pennsylvania, instead of the good old Southern “y’all” (meaning two or more people), they say “you’ns”.

When we go to Rhode Island, there are some words they use, some of which I don’t understand. They call a water fountain “bubbler,” dry cleaners are “cleansers” and a meatball sub is a “grinder.” If someone wants to tell you how cool something is, they say “wicked cool.”

Yes, our daughter and I stick out like sore thumbs up there, but the locals are nice and usually request a “y’all” from us. A lot of New Englanders drop their r’s and put them elsewhere. For example, the typical “pahk the cah” drops two r’s, but one is replaced when they say “bananar” (aka banana). When they say “da boat a ya’s”, that means “both of you.”

There are words that are spelled the same, just pronounced differently, such as the girl’s name Cheryl. Rhode Islanders pronounce it “Shevyl” – Southerners pronounce it “Shurl.” I say “Route 29,” pronounced “Rowt” — my husband pronounces it “Root.” Bicycle? I say “bah-sicle” — he says “bie-sicle.”

Now, if you travel deeper south than Culpeper, you may get so far south that you can’t understand a cotton-pickin’ thing people are saying! My dad had a friend who used to have such a twang, we could only understand about half of what he was saying (although my dad was a great translator).

How about these Southern sayings — a lot of us use them:

“Don’t let your mouth write a check that your butt can’t cash!”

Or, my favorite, “She’s got champagne taste with a Kool-Aid pocketbook.”

And a dish that is to die for just “Tastes so good, makes me wanna stand up and smack my momma!”

A lot of people believe that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Can you imagine trying to learn English while traveling up and down the East Coast?! No wonder it’s difficult to master!

Different parts of the country offer different vernaculars. When out with friends and joking around, I may say, “Man, that ain’t right, dude! That’s messed up!” When trying to convey the same thing at work, I might say, “That’s not acceptable, let’s see what we need to do to correct it.”

And attitude is everything — remember, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. You wouldn’t talk to your boss the same way you would talk to your friends.

Do you think it would be professional to say to your boss, “Ha! Did you get a free bowl of soup with that haircut?” With friends, it’s always some good-hearted ribbing and chop-busting. My mom always says, “If I don’t bust your chops, that means I don’t like you.” Tongue-in-cheek, mind you.

Texting? Fuggedaboudit!

There are acronyms in the world of texting that are still a mystery to me.

I did, however, figure out one — “IMHO” means “In My Humble Opinion.” I would never say that in real life. And the ever-popular “OMG!” or “Oh My God.”

When I was a teenager, my poor parents had to deal with a Valley Girl wannabe, so it was “Omigod!” That language was grody — grody to the max, and not very tubular. Almost wants to gag me with a spoon. You fellow Gen Xers will get that.
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Smith’s column runs every Friday on the editorial page.