Different skin, still family

Not all mothers endure a physical labor when their children arrive, but they are still mothers. Not all families share the same DNA, but they are still families. Father and daughter may not have the same skin color, but they are still kin.

Some families are created through blood, others through adoption and foster care.

A Colombian American family
Melissa Giometti and her first husband became interested in adoption after suffering pregnancy losses and in 1990, she traveled to Bogotá, Colombia to become a mother.
International adoption is a “difficult, tedious, laborious” process, Giometti said, one that requires piles of paperwork and multiple steps of authentication.

“But then you start to feel empowered that this is the right choice,” Giometti, 46, said. “Instead of going through a physical labor, you’ve gone through another kind of labor and this child really does belong to you.”

After two months of living in Colombia, Giometti returned to Culpeper with her daughter, Heather Tiffany. She kept the name the orphanage assigned Heather as one of her middle names, Rocio.

An agency in Washington, D.C. that specializes in foreign adoptions facilitated the adoption. Giometti may not have been pregnant, but it took nine months to receive news that she had a daughter. And six years later, she did it all over again, getting a son from the same orphanage.

“I think when people have children biologically, they feel the connection is biological,” Giometti said. “That’s where they feel that attachment. I’m telling you, it’s not just that. Adopted families are only different to people looking in.”

Heather, now 18, is a senior at Culpeper County High School and will be a freshman at Virginia Tech in the fall. She wants to eventually get her masters in clinical psychology.

Her brother, Eric Ramiro Tiffany, is 12. Eric collects comic books, plays the saxophone and loves building Lego masterpieces in record time. He wants to be an automotive engineer.

When parents adopt through an agency, they receive education on the different aspects of the process. With international adoption, Giometti said there was the added issue of the different cultures.

“(Adopting internationally) will forever change your family and possibly genetically if they have children,” she said. “Our family will always look different.”

She tried to reach out to other Colombians, but without the help of the Internet in 1990 and due to the small number of Hispanics in Culpeper at the time, she was unsuccessful. But she keeps her children’s heritage alive, partly through the Colombian souvenirs and paintings that adorn the walls of the Giometti’s living room.

“We’ve always been very much supportive of being a Colombian American family,” she said. “It’s not just the kids; we’ve embraced it. And how lucky they are to have that culture and be proud of it.”

They are proud, but Heather said others’ ignorance frustrated her when they asked why her mom was white and she was not.

“People don’t really understand the whole idea of adoption sometimes,” Heather said. “I never thought of myself as an outcast or loving my mom less; that’s not true at all. My mom raised me in an environment where it’s OK to be different. I’ve always had two nationalities. I’m just a regular American with a different-colored mom and dad.”

Giometti opted for an international adoption because at the time she had heard U.S. adoptions took longer. When she flipped through the pages of baby pictures, the Colombian babies “just clicked” with her. She was no longer interested in adopting an American baby.

“I think a lot of people don’t want to deal with the appearance issue,” she said. “People don’t want to have to explain to everyone. To me, that was one of the appeals because it would enrich our family to have another culture.”

Like Heather, Eric gets a lot of questions about the difference in his skin color from his mother’s.

“I just say, ‘Just ’cuz. ’Cuz I’m adopted,’” he said. “That doesn’t mean my birth mom didn’t love me or anything; maybe she didn’t have enough money or something. Nobody knows. But I just say, ‘I’m adopted, so what? I like being adopted.’ I have my mom who takes care of me and she was willing to go through all that trouble to get me.”

Giometti’s husband, John, 42, said a lot of people want to know if Heather and Eric have the same parents. But whether or not they share DNA, they are true siblings.

“People want to know, ‘Are they real brother and sister?’” he said. “They are real brother and sister.”

The Giomettis all acknowledged that they have encountered a lot of ignorance about their family, whether it is a comment about their skin or being “real” siblings. But Giometti said the biggest misconception is about the act of adoption itself.

“People will comment, ‘What a nice thing you’ve done,’” she said. “But adoption is very different from foster parenting. One is you are trying to help a child and make a difference. That is almost never the case in adoption. If it is it shouldn’t be. It’s about wanting to be parents, just from a selfish perspective. It’s my children who have made the difference for me.”

From regular parents to foster parents
Faith Dickerson and her husband, Brian Giles, were empty nesters. They had raised Dickerson’s daughter, now 25, but felt called to do more. Giles lived with a foster family in his teens — a positive situation — leading them to choose to become foster parents.

“We just got to the point as empty nesters that we would like to give back because these people had been very important in his life,” Dickerson said.

Both 48, Dickerson and Giles have been certified as foster parents less than a month and have opened their home to a child, who Dickerson wished not to mention specifically.

Children’s Services of Virginia, a private, for profit organization that works with the Department of Social Services, trained Dickerson and Giles. The organization has an office on North East Street and helps facilitate the placement of children in foster homes in Virginia. Dickerson said her case worker with CSV keeps in close contact and is an integral part of her life.

“It’s giving me the opportunity to really experience all the innocence and joy of seeing life through a child’s perspective,” Dickerson said, “and I think I’m much better able to do it this time around.”

Dickerson splits her time between being director of communications at St. Luke’s School and working at The Corner Shelf bookstore, where author Sharon Brani will be signing copies of her story in “Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul” May 24.

“I started this whole thing because Sharon Brani talks about creating a family and I just loved that quote,” she said. “I think whether you’re adopting or fostering, people need to see what an incredible impact they have to open their heart and create a family for a child. It’s so needed and so rewarding.”

Faye Lohr Ritchie, the clinical director of CSV, said they are always looking for foster families. They provide a 30-hour training program, educating families on kids with special needs. She said there was no formula for a good foster family — they have young couples, couples with children of their own or children who are grown, retired couples, and more.

“It’s a family who is willing to open their home and their heart and who is willing to come to the training and learn the information,” Lohr Ritchie said. “If they have the time and the willingness to commit to it, then we’re interested.”

Catherine Amos can be reached at 825-0771 ext. 138 or .

Meet Brani
Sharon Brani, a local author who wrote a story for “Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul,” will be signing copies of the book at The Corner Shelf Bookstore May 24 from 1:30 to 3 p.m. Brani, 58, adopted her two daughters, Noelle (15) and Jenny (8) from Russia.