Don’t shoot the messenger, at least not me

I hate meeting new people. No, it’s not because I’m some kind of introverted curmudgeon — it’s because it always leads to this conversation.

“So, what do you do?”

I always think about lying, telling them I work for the CIA and I can’t tell them exactly what I do. Then, I think better of it because lying about being in the CIA is probably a criminal offense. So I tell the truth.

“I work for a newspaper,” I say, already cringing at the response.

That response is almost normally one of four things.

- “Ohhhhh,” usually accompanied with the person turning their noise up at me like I just crawled out of the sewer grate by their feet.

- “Don’t quote me.” Sometimes, people are joking and we all laugh. Most times people are serious, and think that I’m going to tape every bit of our conversation. Sorry, you’re not that important.

- “I hate you,” followed by having a bag of frozen peas thrown at me. Granted, this happened only one time, but once you have a bag of produce tossed at you like a major league fastball, you don’t forget it.

- “You know what you should write about …” This isn’t always bad. Sometimes people are nice and have a legitimate story they want to talk to you about. Most times they follow it with, “instead of only writing about the bad news. You’re so negative.”

Let’s tackle that last one first. How, if you’re meeting me for the first time, do you know I’m “so negative?”

Anyone who knows me knows I’m probably one of the most positive people out there. But since I work for the dreaded media, I’m immediately lumped in as negative.

Now, this is my own fault — I know, because I chose my own profession. This doesn’t mean, however, that I print just negative news.

In fact, as the community editor, I deal with the “good news” stuff. That doesn’t stop people from blaming me personally for all the bad news in the world.

Listen, I wish we could only print birthdays, lollipops and puppy dogs, but I really don’t think that’s going to save the newspaper industry.

Our biggest spikes in sales and online hits come when people get attacked by dogs, people comment on immigration and football coaches are discussed.

I’m not blaming the community for this; it’s society’s fault. It’s the blame-the-messenger syndrome that sometimes even I have been guilty of.

Do you blame the doctor when he tells you you’re blood pressure is high? Do you blame the mailman when he brings bills and junk mail? If the answer to those are no, then why blame me when Cousin Charlie ends up in the police reports for driving through town on a tractor all hopped up on Jack Daniels?

Wow, I do sound negative, don’t I? OK, so maybe I’m not negative, but 10 years in the biz had made me a little jaded. I guess that’s what happens when people recoil every time I tell them what I do.

So next time you meet me, don’t be surprised if I say I’m a CIA operative. Just don’t tell anyone — I don’t want to get arrested.