What shopping category are you?

My wife loves to shop — shoes, shirts, pants, jewelry. You name it, she loves it.

When it comes to grocery shopping, however, she draws a line.

That’s where I come in. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve always enjoyed grocery shopping — no matter how hectic the aisles get.

I chalk it up to having worked in the grocery business growing up. I don’t know how many years I spent stocking shelves, mopping floors and generally creating havoc in the back stock room.
If it looks like your box of Cocoa Puffs has been used as a surfboard, then it probably happened. I’m just sayin’.

All those years of roaming the aisles have helped hone my skills for grocery shopping. I pride myself on trying to figure out where all the products are hidden — it’s my own little scavenger hunt.

So when the new Martin’s opened last week, I was like a kid in a candy store. Or like my wife when the Famous Footwear opened here.

Wandering through the expansive store, I couldn’t help but notice how much it took me back to my teenage years. This was a grocery store as I remembered it. Managers stocking shelves as quickly as goods flew off them, brightly lit aisles and bag boys with smiles on their faces.

Good times.

As I was perusing the different delectables, I couldn’t help but notice that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

One day about a year ago, I left a local store and decided to write down all the different types of shoppers I saw. I wasn’t angry at being held up, I was just intrigued about how many different styles of shopping there was.

Earlier this week, I noticed it too. So, enjoy my own little list of Culpeper shoppers. Don’t worry, I’ve been a part of all of these groups at one time or another.

- The label readers: Easily distinguishable because they stop in every aisle, blocking traffic, while they check the back of every product for its nutritional value. They usually are skinny and wearing spandex. Please, don’t picture me in spandex.

- The chatterers: Again, an aisle blocker. These people spot someone they know and park their cart at a 90-degree angle while usually discussing the latest ankle surgery they’ve had or how their dog needed a vast and disgusting surgery. Also related are the huggers, who jump over carts to hug someone they probably just saw this morning. And yes, I’ve been caught in the “hug.”

- The flockers: A group, usually a family, consisting of at least four people and having as many as 20. Probably the most common group, and the most fun to people-watch.

I always enjoy the little kid sitting in the cart who grabs an item, almost always Fruity Pebbles, and throws it into the cart without the parent knowing. The mischievous look on the kid’s face is always worth a laugh.

It brings to mind a story from my childhood days when I was throwing a fit in the toy aisle of our local store. I was maybe 3 and had tight, curly hair. A Southern gentleman who had just moved to our town turned to my mom and, in his best Southern drawl, said, “She sure is mad, ain’t she.” My mom still picks on me about this when I let my hair grow, which isn’t often.

- The list guy: All right, this is always me. If I shop without a list, I come back with just odd things — I once brought home peanut butter for no reason. And I’m deathly allergic to peanut butter. Unfortunately, I tend to be a big aisle blocker when I stop every few feet to double- and triple-check my list.

- The speed shoppers: These people are usually in the store around noon, presumably on their lunch break. They tear through the store like it’s the Indy 500, someone throwing items in their cart without looking.

So the next time you’re shopping and you see me holding up a line as I’m checking my list, just give me a little push with the cart. I’ll probably just laugh, and then add you to my list: Cart pusher.