On 10th anniversary, my sister proves it’s never too late to have a wedding

On their 10th anniversary last week, my sister and brother-in-law finally had their wedding.

The bride was glowing, her family (OK, me) almost cried, and her husband was relieved when it was over. At the reception, there was music, a chocolate fondue fountain and tables of partygoers waiting for their few minutes to congratulate the happy couple. It was simply a wedding, much deserved and long overdue. But it was also a lot more.

Thousands of couples, myself included, enter into the legal contract of marriage each year. We make a commitment to each other, and we intend to honor it. We become partners before the law. And even though it means more to us than just the terms of incorporating our lives, on paper it’s only slightly more complicated than forming a business.

My sister has been in possession of that paperwork for a decade. Ever since they showed up at the courthouse and said “I do,” they’ve been married. But after going through the rough patches of wedlock, and because they’d joined a church and found an extended family there, they wanted to reaffirm their vows and to make them before God.

They saw a distinction and an opportunity to recommit to one another through their faith. They were witnesses in my eyes, and theirs, that there’s a difference between “being married” and “being married.”

I’m honored to have been invited to share in the day; I’m proud of them both, and I wish them joy and happiness for decades to come. I also couldn’t help noticing a few other things while I was there:

- In marriage, like most of life, you can’t beat experience. When I asked the best doctor I know, my mom, about the 103-degree fever (with no other symptoms) that forced my son to miss the reception, she asked me which of many stories of mysterious fevers she’d like me to retell. When it comes to the day-to-day struggles that make up our lives, it never hurts to consult those who’ve been through it all already. And the best conversations at a wedding reception are usually had with those who’ve been married the longest.

- You can still learn a lot from youth. There’s something unsettling about thinking of a younger sibling and her husband as “role models” — the older brother is supposed to be the one with all the answers. But every one of us has life lessons to teach, if others will just look for them.

- And still more from youth: No one has a better time at a wedding reception than the kids under the age of 10. What’s to beat? People walk around handing you food, you can run around and no one seems to notice, and of course there will be cake. But it’s most obvious on the dance floor, where we could all learn a lot about how much more fun you can have when you stop worrying about what you look like doing it.

- Speaking of children: My niece and nephews participated in the ceremony with their parents, and it was a great reminder to them, and to us all, that families play a large role in the success of our marriages. I wish them the best of luck holding up their end of the commitment as well.

- Everyone deserves to celebrate. My sister might not have known how much she really wanted to have the whole wedding experience — the party, the pageantry and the smiles of friends and family — when she signed those original papers.

After witnessing the recommitment ceremony, and seeing my sister’s glow, it’s obvious to me that making vows before God and being married are two completely different experiences. In that same spirit, I’m not sure how you can tell any committed couple that they don’t deserve at least legal recognition of their relationship. It can be done without taking anything away from those vows.

Clements’ column runs every Monday on the editorial page.