The art of living the dream

Here is a glimpse of an argument between my husband and me a few nights ago:

Wife: Honey, listen to this and tell me how you understand it. "Forgiveness is nothing more than a request that you may be able to recognize what you already have." What do you think that means-

Husband: Is that some more of that Marianne Williamson-
Wife: No, it's "A Course in Miracles," it's not…

Husband: Yeah, well, it's nonsense. It's a non-sequiter (poor word choice, wouldn't you say-)

Wife: See, never mind. You've already judged it and see it as meaningless, so now you refuse to get anything out of it. Never mind! I don't know why I asked you. When you ask me to solve those silly riddles, I don't call them stupid, even though they are, I just try to answer the riddle. But just never mind!

Husband: I'm sorry…I didn't mean...OK, read it to me again.
Wife: Wow! Right here is an example of it! By you apologizing, you realized that you were risking losing something that you didn't want to lose. So by apologizing, you were asking to not allow yourself to ever again threaten to lose what you now understand that you have. It is an awareness and an appreciation for what you have! That's brilliant! So it is true, that asking forgiveness means not only that you are sorry for what you have done, but that you will not do it again because you have too much to lose. I get it!

Husband: Yeah. Wow. OK. Goodnight.
After a good night's sleep, I'm sure he appreciated my point.
In order to be sorry, truly sorry, we must know what we risk losing. That is what a true apology provides. It is an acknowledgement of what we all want: to be relevant and valued. It is a recognition that we matter to those we love.
That is why making up can be so much fun, because again we are in the throes of a newfound love. We have discovered each other again.

It is a time when we are both appreciated because we have each experienced even for a moment, what it would be to lose someone whom we took for granted, just a little bit.
That appreciation is so sweet because forgiveness means we have been given another chance. A chance to cherish and to be cherished, defenses down.

We are willing to see without all of our fears, excuses or judgment. It is an awareness that such defenses are barriers to forgiveness. With them in the way, it prevents us from seeing what is really in front of us. Instead, such walls bounce our fears, excuses and judgment directly back to us.

Once I remove them, I have an opportunity to receive what I have been seeking all along.

By forgiving ourselves and others, we have the chance to see the love that has been there waiting to be discovered. We have the opportunity to fall in love all over again.

To me, it is much like waking from a bad dream. I remember as a child having nightmares involving monsters chasing me.
Until one night, I distinctly remember realizing in the middle of the dream that it actually was only a dream.

Right then and there, standing in front of the monster, I yelled, "This is only a dream, and you can't hurt me." From there, I visibly shook and shook until I awoke from the dream. It was so powerful. All I had to do was "shake awake" whenever necessary.

After that, I began to learn that I could make my dreams whatever I wanted them to be, because, after all, they were only dreams.

We don't realize it, but reality is no different. All we must do is forgive or "shake awake." Only then can we stop living through our guilt and fear and instead reclaim the love we have always dreamt of.

Sweet dreams.

Dawn Klemann is an independent columnist and
resident of Culpeper. Her column appears every other Wednesday. E-mail