Turning on the ‘parent gene’

There has been an influx of newborns the past few weeks, additions to wonderful families we know (congratulations to Tim and Candice Rinker on their baby boy!)

This got me thinking about children, our own in particular. Our children are a direct reflection of us, the little people we help mold. Each child has his or her own personality, and it’s up to us to help them find their own path in life.

We received our daughter’s report card yesterday. After some hard work on her part (and help on ours), she made the A/B honor roll for the first time! I wanted to go to the roof and shout it for everyone to hear.

Before you become a parent, you see these bumper stickers that read, “Proud parent of a Such-and-Such School honor student.” I counteracted that by getting a “My Pit Bull is smarter than your honor student” bumper sticker. I never put it on my car, but every time I looked at it, I chuckled. Now I know why people display those stickers with pride (although I’m still not putting a bumper sticker on my truck).

It’s amazing when you read about celebrities’ kids running into trouble. It’s more like horrifying — when you’re already a celebrity, your life is lived in the public eye. And when your child gets into mischief, all the world knows.

Take for example, the Hilton family. Paris’ mishaps aside, their son, Barron, was recently popped for a DUI and underage drinking. This is a family that has built its empire on a quality name.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I am not the kind of parent to say, “Oh, my child would never do that.” We certainly will try to steer our child from that path and teach her right from wrong. But it’s ultimately her choice to make, whether right or wrong.

We all know that we’ve done stupid things in our youth. Parents are there to guide us, but they also let us make mistakes so we can learn from them.

We have to suffer the consequences of our actions, and no one can protect us from all the bad things. Of course, it’s easier to sit back and give opinions on other folks’ offspring, but we have to look at our own and make sure we’re doing the best job possible.

As a parent, there is no greater gift than seeing your child walk for the first time, speak their first words, and excel in school.

When you see your child do a kind deed for another person, it fills your heart with joy.

In mentioning to our daughter the pride we feel when she does something without us asking, or takes a fellow student under her wing, she doesn’t see the big deal. It’s all about the person she’s grown into, and this is natural for her. You really don’t see the big deal either, until it’s your child. God knows, I’m a real sap and can be brought to joyful tears pretty easily. I usually hear, “Mom, you’re not gonna cry, are ya?”

Some people aren’t born with that “natural parent” gene.

It amazes me that you have to pass a screening to adopt an animal (and rightfully so) and go through so much red tape to adopt a child. But any person with working reproductive organs can bear a child.

I say “bear” a child, because bearing a child and parenting a child are two entirely different things. I was never much of a “kid person” until I had my own.

The second I saw our beautiful daughter, with her head full of thick, black hair, I fell in love and my parental switch flipped on. Some people aren’t fortunate enough to have this happen. They raise their child as if they were an unpaid babysitter, incapable of forming that parental bond.

For every triumph our child has, we feel their joy and sense of accomplishment. For every tragedy our child has, we feel the pain as if it were our own. And if you’re a true parent, you will want to absorb that pain as your own.

Our children are a reflection of us and a testament to their upbringing. Congratulations, Jasmine, on your honor roll achievement!

Hope A. Smith is an independent columnist and resident of Orange County. Her column appears on Friday.
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