COLUMN: What toys you shouldn't be buying this year

It’s here: The annual list of toys most likely to send children to hospital emergency rooms has been released.

These are the darkest of the Black Friday deals.

World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH), a Massachusetts charitable non-profit corporation founded by the late trial lawyer and child-safety advocate Edward M. Swartz (who, despite rumors, was not strangled to death with a Slinky), issued its first dangerous toy list in 1973 and has since "fearlessly exposed potentially dangerous toys to the general public," reads a statement from the group.

With no further ado and because I have leftover turkey to eat, here are this year’s 10 Worst Toys, as identified by WATCH:

— Twist ‘n Sort. No, it’s not a previously unreleased Beatles song. It’s a play set designed to provide "years of developmental fun" with "problem-solving challenges" that was recalled in October because it was a choking hazard. But, according to WATCH, it’s still on the shelves. The "problem-solving challenge" is apparently learning how not to choke on the pieces.

— Power Rangers Samurai Mega Blade. What could possibly go wrong with a toy that includes the words "mega blade" in the title?

Plenty, according to WATCH.

Aspiring Power Ranger/samurais risk "serious facial or other impact injuries."

To the manufacturer’s credit, the packaging does carry a warning that children should not "(1) aim toy at anyone, (2) hit anyone with toy, (3) poke anyone with toy, (4) swing toy at anyone …." thereby making it, if used according to the instructions, the least dangerous and most boring toy of all time. It’s as if Tinker Toys carried a warning insisting that kids not build anything.

— Fold & Go Trampoline. As with the Power Ranger Samurai Mega Blade, the packaging carries detailed if oddly worded instructions: "The only function on this trampoline should be a controlled bounce (exercise), for young children. No other functions should occur other then (sic) controlled bounce."

The manufacturer recommends the foldable, portable trampoline for ages 3 and up, and what segment of the population is better at controlled bouncing than 3-year-olds?

— Pulling Animal Duck. The distributor insists Pulling Animal Duck "(w)addles amusingly when pulled," but don’t we all?

— School Bus. The tires on this $4 toy can be easily removed and swallowed by children who grow bored not poking anyone with their samurai swords or bouncing in a monotonously controlled manner on their foldable trampolines.

— Z-Curve Bow. It’s a "high-performance" bow that shoots foam arrows as far as 125 feet. You could easily hit a 3-year-old in mid-bounce with one of those.

— Stepper Low Rise Stilts. These are upside-down plastic buckets with ropes attached. WATCH laments "the manufacturer provides no warnings or cautions." I would suggest, "Parents: Don’t buy your children upside-down plastic buckets with ropes attached because they will hate you forever."

— Sword Fighting Jack Sparrow. Jack’s "4 ½-long rigid, plastic sword" has the "potential for eye and other impact injuries," according to WATCH. Maybe he should exchange it for a Power Rangers Samurai Mega Blade. Those are fun to not play with.

— The Incredible Shrinky Dinks Maker. "This oven uses standard 120-volt house current and shrinks a ‘shrinky dink’ in a ‘heating chamber’ with a 60-watt light bulb," WATCH explains.

Do what, now?

— Gigan Godzilla figure. Gigan has "rigid, pointed fins and wings, as well as sharp, dagger-like attachments on its arms," WATCH warns. "Such unforgiving, plastic protrusions present the potential for penetrating and impact injuries."

At least he’s not cursed with a shrinky dink.

And that’s the list. Be safe this year, kids. Danger could lurk beneath the tree.

Scott Hollifield is editor/GM of The McDowell News in Marion, NC and a columnist for the Media General News Service.