Families reconcile, heal a history of slavery

Betty Kilby Baldwin and Phoebe Kilby live the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream every day.

In his famous and oft-repeated “I Have a Dream” speech, given on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington in 1963, he spoke of a day when “the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.”

For Baldwin and Kilby, that day was in 2007 on Jan. 15 — King’s birthday — and it wasn’t at a table but across cyberspace.

Baldwin, who lives in Cleburne, Texas, is the descendant of slaves owned by Kilby’s ancestors in Rappahannock County.

The two women, connected by history, shared their story Sunday morning, on King’s birthday, with the congregation at First Mennonite Church in Henrico County.

Kilby researched her family’s roots and discovered her ancestors owned slaves; she also found that Baldwin’s father grew up and worked on a farm in Peola Mills, an unincorporated community in Rappahannock County, adjacent to where her own father grew up.

After reading Baldwin’s autobiography, “Wit, Will & Walls,” Kilby felt a connection and the courage to reach out; she sent Baldwin an email on Jan. 15, 2007, claiming a kinship.

Baldwin’s response a couple of weeks later contained the short subject line, “Hello Cousin,” and began a five-year journey of reconciliation and healing.

“It’s been an honor and a wonder to meet Betty, who has called me cousin from the very start,” said Kilby, who grew up in Baltimore but now lives near Woodstock in the Shenandoah Valley, just across the Blue Ridge from Rappahannock County. “The more I get to know her, the more I am in awe of her strength in the face of adversity … and also her amazing capacity to forgive.”

Baldwin and Kilby want their relationship and interactions to serve as a model for others who want to reconcile the descendants of slaves and slave owners.

They are part of the Coming to the Table program at Eastern Mennonite University’s Center for Justice and Peacebuilding. Coming to the Table, which seeks to acknowledge, understand and heal the wounds of slavery, will hold its national gathering March 16-18 at Richmond Hill.

Baldwin said she is often asked the question, “How can you not hate white people?”

The answer is simple. She was taught by her father that hating is like a poison and only hurts the person who hates.

“I preach love and forgiveness,” Baldwin said.

She grew up in Warren County and was one of 23 African-American students to integrate Warren County High School.

Baldwin endured verbal abuse and gunshots fired at the family’s home because her father, who had a fourth-grade education, wanted his children to receive an education and sued the Warren County Board of Education for that opportunity.

Baldwin persevered. She graduated from high school and went on to earn an associate’s degree, bachelor’s degree, MBA and an honorary doctorate.

“So many times in life, we become bitter,” she said. “My father did not let us become full of hate, nor did he let us become bitter.”